Before It's Too Late
by AKA DD
Summary: MISSING SCENE: The Berrisford Agenda. How does Max help Alec cope with losing Rachel and his memories of Manticore? Does Alec accept Max's help?
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel isn't mine. No profit is being made out of this endeavor.**

**A/N: Here's the missing scene from The Berrisford Agenda. It follows Brainiac. It actually turned out to be a missing couple of scenes. Hahaha…well, here goes.**

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**Chapter 1**:

Max was feeling a little shaken.

No, scratch that. She was _completely_ shaken.

She leaned heavily against a beautifully wall-papered panel of wall, her head falling against it tilted slightly upward, her hands hanging limply by her side. She'd been so wrong about him. She'd been too quick to judge. She'd thought she'd known him. But she'd never stopped to think about how wrong she could be. And now…well, now she just didn't know where to begin.

_Thirty minutes ago…_

Max drove like only a Transgenic could through the cluttered streets of Seattle. She wove back and forth between cars and pedestrians on her jet black Ninja motorcycle, running against time. She needed to get to the Berrisford Mansion knowing in her gut that it was where Alec was headed.

She didn't know why she gave a damn whether he was in some kind of jam or not. She kept telling herself that she was here to stop him from killing whoever this Robert Berrisford person was. She told herself that it wasn't about Alec at all. It was about doing the right thing. It was about saving someone innocent _from_ Alec. No, it really wasn't about saving Alec.

She arrived at the mansion gates and effortlessly jumped over them, timing her movements to the cameras that dotted the perimeter of the property. Using her Manticore-given telescopic vision, she saw the front door was ajar, light spilling onto the darkened driveway. She crept swiftly towards the mansion and slipped through the door, making sure she didn't touch anything along the way.

Alec was already here, and she had to act fast.

The unconscious bodies that were strewn across the mansion floor seemed to confirm her worst fears. Alec had been assigned to kill Berrisford. He had failed, and now Berrisford was out to get him. Any good Manticorian knew that eliminating your opponent first was the only way out of this jam. Alec was out for Berrisford's blood, and she had to stop him.

She narrowed her eyes as she realized that he could be anywhere in this gigantic household. She paused, standing in the middle of a large foyer next to a grand staircase. She extended her transgenic senses, searching for Alec's presence.

She heard his voice first.

"_Well, what are you waiting for?" _ He was goading someone into doing something. That in of itself wasn't such a surprise coming from Alec, but there was an unfamiliar note of such anguish in his tone. It was that tone, tinged with hatred and anger that sent alarms blaring in her mind.

She quickly followed his voice through the mausoleum of a mansion, climbing the winding staircase. "_I deserve it." _This time, there was a slightly crazed pitch to his voice. Max picked up her pace, not only guided by the voice, but also following the trail of useless guards that littered the mansion floor. She gritted her teeth, not really knowing what to expect. A brief memory of Brain flashed through her mind. _494 has always been a rogue—unpredictable battle behavior…__1_ Max shut her eyes briefly, hoping that Alec hadn't gone and done something irrevocably stupid.

_Alec, what the hell are you up to now?_ She thought a little desperately as she crept through a brightly lit hallway. She always knew Alec was trouble with a capital T. But by the looks and sound of things, he was in way over his head. _And I have to save his ass again._

She turned into a large room that appeared to be a study, ready to crash the party with a barrage of kicks and punches. But his next words mad her stop dead in her tracks.

"_Kill me!" _ There was no doubt in her mind that Alec completely meant those two words. Her eyes swung to the man—Berrisford—in front of him. For a moment, time seemed to stand still for her. Max felt the breath lock in her chest; felt her heart constrict painfully.

The sight of Alec, blood trickling down from a gash in his lip, staring down the barrel of a gun at almost point-blank range, struck fear in her heart—the kind of fear that made a genetically enhanced supersoldier freeze in her tracks. It was the kind of fear that changed a person's whole perspective of the world.

"_DO IT!_" His anguished cry broke through her momentary paralysis and her eyes darted to Berrisford's finger over the trigger. He hesitated, and that was all the second Max needed as she rushed forward in a blur. She came to stand next to the would-be shooter quietly, shocking him into facing her.

For a second, their eyes locked, and Max saw fear flash through his blue eyes. _That's right, be afraid, _she thought savagely, giving in to the animal satisfaction that it brought. Max let her anger flare in her eyes just before she knocked him out with a single, efficient punch to the jaw.

As he fell to the floor, Max turned her attention to Alec. He was glaring up at her, his eyes glazed over with anger and pain. He was looking at her reproachfully, as if she had taken away something that he had been waiting for.

As if she had taken away salvation itself from his grasp.

"What are _you_ doing here?" he asked bitterly.

Anger interlaced with fear rushed through her as she realized that he had _wanted_ to die. She quickly clamped on the distracting unfamiliar emotion, her Manticore training coming to fore, as she walked over to pick up the keys on the desk. "Saving your ass." She said shortly as she unlocked his handcuffs.

She leaned over him from behind, trying to assess his state of mind. "And I told you to ask for my help before it was too late and you messed everything up." While her voice was whispered, her words were a little bit harsher than she had intended. Her earlier fear was translating itself into full-bodied anger—anger at how he could be so _stupid_ as to get himself into this position and make her go so far as to actually _worry_ about him

"And Max, I told you to leave me alone." He said, his tone dripping with contempt. He twisted his lips bitterly and glanced at her briefly. There was a flash of regret and darkness in them before he looked away.

He hopped out of the chair as soon as the cuffs were off, leaving Max standing there, her mouth hanging open. "Well, gee, you're welcome," she whispered angrily at his retreating figure.

She followed his rushed exit into the hall only to find that he was nowhere in sight. Impatient anger and growing concern made her grimace. She was going to seriously have a talk with him about this whole fiasco. This entire situation was beginning to look less like her taking Alec _out_ of his mess, and more like her jumping _into_ it. She shook her head, unable to put together pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that didn't even look like they came from the same puzzle.

She didn't know where to start looking for him, so she tilted her head slightly, listening intently for anything that might give her a clue. She crept quietly down the hall, alert. _What the hell was he up to now?_

And then she heard it. The unmistakable sound of a broken sob. Her step faltered, but she continued down the hall towards Alec, uncontrollably drawn to him.

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Alec stood just inside Rachel's room, transfixed by the sight in front of him. _Oh, God, this is my fault,_ he thought painfully.

Rachel, still beautiful, was lying on her bed, hooked to several machines. The small beep of the heart monitor was the only indication that she was still alive. All other signs of life were non-existent. She didn't look like the Rachel he knew anymore.

Where was the vitality? The sheer joy for life that had always marked her presence? Alec felt a keen sense of loss at that moment, as he recognized the gaping hole in his heart that she had left behind. How could he have _ever_ forgotten her?

He fell onto his knees by her bedside, weighed by the guilt, the pain and the regrets that were suddenly seeping through every inch of his being. He had given her memory up to Manticore. He had let them win. He had completely lost her. "I should've tried harder, Rachel." He whispered to her still form. "I should've fought them. I didn't understand."

He took her hand in his, feeling their limp weight. He remembered how it felt when she used to grab his hand and squeeze it happily. The difference was heartbreaking. "I didn't understand how much I _loved_ you."

He reached into his pocket, fingering the locket that he had ripped from her the last time he had seen her. He had taken it from her, in the same way he had inadvertently taken her life. He felt tears trail down his face. He knew what he had to do.

He placed the locket back into her lifeless hands, wrapping her fingers closed around the golden trinket. He was letting her go. He had no right to be here anymore. Just as he never had the right to impose himself into her life in the first place.

But she had loved him, and by God, he had loved her the best he could.

That was something that he would selfishly never regret. Because it was the only time he had ever truly felt whole. He leaned over Rachel and hugged her still form. A broken sob escaped from his lips as memories of her assaulted him. He buried his face in the crook of her neck, remembering her, memorizing her scent. He cried softly against her, hoping in his heart that she would somehow understand just how sorry he really was.

He could only hope that she had somehow known that not everything had been a lie—that at some point along the way, she had been the only thing he had known that was real.

He heard a small footfall of someone walking away, but ignored it. He knew Max had seen him—but at the moment, he just couldn't make himself care.

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Max had walked in on him as he cried brokenly over a girl. She wasn't dead, but neither was she alive, but hanging in that limbo in between. She had heard his whispered words, and had felt the emotions that had stained those words. She should have looked away, but she couldn't, helplessly riveted to the sight of Alec as a man.

He had always been self-centered, strong, transgenic-cocky, somehow fearless, and always superhuman. It was a persona that he cultivated so well, that even Max had believed it. But to be faced with an Alec that had been brought to his knees by human emotion was something Max had been ill-prepared for.

It was a shattering image. One that left her grasping at straws, wondering why it mattered so much.

So, now, here she was: standing outside a beautiful girl's room, leaning against the smooth wall of an ornate hall, inside a majestic mansion, feeling a little shaken.

No scratch that. She was _completely_ shaken.

This was a part of Alec that she had never thought existed. It was vulnerability and honesty. It spoke of the capacity for deep strength of character and an even deeper love. It was a part of him that was perhaps, the _real_ Alec. The one that hid behind his happy-go-lucky, carefree façade that she had always disdained.

It was a part of Alec that she had _never_ wanted to see.

Because that made him all the more precious to her.

She had already been scared when she had thought she was going to lose him—and that was when he had been nothing but an annoying acquaintance to her. Now, she didn't know how to feel about him. Seeing him this way brought a gentle throbbing in her heart and a curiously warm sensation that spread through every part of her.

She leaned against the wall and waited with uncharacteristic patience.

Finally, he stepped out of the room. She pushed off the wall and peered up at him, making sure her face was a polite mask of blankness. He stared down at her, his face equally blank, although there was still a blood stain on his lips and tear streaks on his cheeks.

"You're still here." He said flatly. It was a half-question, half-statement.

She smiled briefly. "Yeah, well, I figured you might need a ride home."

He nodded, acknowledging her offer of friendship, but not necessarily accepting it at the moment. He glanced back towards Berrisford's study, his expression unreadable.

"I walloped him pretty hard," she said, "he won't be up for a while."

A ghost of a smile played on his swollen lips. "Yeah, you sure did."

She took a step forward and laid a hand on his wrist. "I was more than a little bit worried 'bout the fact that he had a gun to your face." She said gently. Her tone was probing, asking him silently to explain everything to her.

His smile disappeared and his face became cold. "Don't, Max." he whispered curtly.

"Fine." She nodded, stepping away and dropping her hand. "Let's go before something else happens, okay?" She turned away and started walking, not bothering to look behind her. She knew that Alec would follow when he was ready. A few steps later, she heard him come after her, his footsteps heavy.

1 See my story, UNPREDICTABLE for this reference. It's completely AU.


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: Dark Angel and the characters in this story are not mine. No copyright infringement was intended, and no profits are being made for this. **

**A/N: Here's the actual missing scene. Please read and review!**

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They got to his apartment in complete silence. Max didn't know why she trailed after him. She should have just left as soon as he hopped off her bike. But she felt compelled to be with him. Just in case he needed her.

She hovered at the doorway, not sure whether she needed his invitation to go inside or not. Normally, she would have just barged in. But somehow, tonight felt different. _He_ was different.

All throughout the drive, Max had tried to sort things out in her head. She had pieced together parts of the puzzle of tonight's episode, but there were still plenty of unanswered questions. But most of all, she wanted to make sure that he was going to be all right.

Alec stalked over towards his kitchen, heading straight for his Scotch. He knew that Max was still standing at his door. He pulled out one glass, and after a second's hesitation, he pulled out another one. It could be a mistake asking her to stay, but he couldn't make her leave just yet, either.

"I hope Scotch is fine with you," he said quietly. That was all the invitation he was willing to extend to her. He wasn't about to ask her to stay with him. He wasn't even really sure that he wanted her to.

He heard her sigh with relief as she stepped into his apartment, and he almost smiled at that. Sometimes, Max was the hardest person in the world to understand. At other times, she was as easy to read as an open book with size 20 font and one syllable words.

He handed her a glass, before finishing his own drink with one gulp. He felt the liquor burn a path inside of him, warming the coldness that guilt and regret had brought on. Transgenics didn't get drunk, but they could enjoy the burn of the drink and pretend.

"I'm sorry," Max whispered, "I didn't know."

Max watched as Alec splayed both his hands flat against his kitchen counter and leaned heavily forward. His head hung low for a second, just looking at the amber liquid of his drink. Max almost thought that he was going to ignore her all night, but then he shrugged. "Believe it or not, Max, I don't expect you to know much about me. So, don't be sorry."

Max flinched. His words hurt. In her heart, she knew that what he said was true. She had never given him the time of day, and if she did, well, it was only to belittle him and smack him around. But still…why did she now want to know him better? Why did she now want to prove him wrong? She blinked away those probing questions. "Well, then, I'm sorry I was such a bitch about your mood. I mean, it's not like you don't have the right to be all Heathcliff-like."

He pursed his lips and shrugged again. "Let it go, Max. I didn't ask for your help."

"You should have," she pointed out. "I was there for you."

But he only glared at her and downed two more glasses of Scotch in quick succession. She wished him luck in his attempt to drink himself into a stupor. It wasn't likely to happen, but he was welcome to try. He had just said goodbye to the girl that he loved. Max was willing to make huge allowances for that. She wondered briefly what kind of girl Rachel Berrisford was to drive Alec towards semi-madness.

"What was she like?" she blurted out, before she could stop herself.

He swung his gaze towards her. "Why do you care?"

She shrugged expansively. "I dunno, I just do. Don't question it." She retorted.

He cocked his head to the side as if in contemplation, then he shrugged and shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "She smiled and laughed a lot. She was happy. When she was around, it was like everything was so much brighter. I don't know…It's hard to explain."

Max couldn't help but briefly compare herself to Rachel Berrisford—and found herself lacking. She was everything that Max wasn't. Somehow, on the heels of that realization, a dull ache started to throb in her heart. She didn't understand—nor did she particularly want to understand—why she felt that way. "She sounds like a nice kid."

Alec raised a brow in acknowledgement. "Yeah,"

She approached him and placed her untouched drink on the counter. She laid a hand on his upper arm. "Look, Alec, if you want to talk…"

"I don't." he cut her off curtly, his face suddenly a cold mask.

Max narrowed her eyes, clamping down on her temper, wanting to smack him really hard and tell him to listen to her. Sometimes, she reacted just the wrong way to Alec, and now certainly wasn't the time to indulge those impulses. "Look, talking about it might help," she insisted. "It puts things into perspective."

He chuckled derisively at that. "Oh, really?" he mocked. "Say, after all the bitching you do about you, Logan and the virus, are things in perspective yet? Have you figured out how _wrong_ you actually are for each other?" he spat. He knew it was a low blow, but she was pushing all the wrong buttons. It was like teasing a caged tiger—it's gonna lash out at you sooner or later.

She pressed her lips together firmly. "This isn't about me and Logan," she said through clenched teeth. "I'm just trying to help you." She thought it was particularly admirable of her not to jump down his throat and rip him to shreds after what he had just said. He was intentionally baiting her, and she would just make things worse by rising to the occasion.

"I don't need your help, Max," he said dismissively. "Besides, you'd never understand."

She placed her hands on her hips and frowned at him. "What do you mean I wouldn't understand? Manticore's messed with my life more times than I can count, too! I do understand."

He snorted inelegantly and stalked over to stand by his window. "No, you don't, Max," he said as he propped his shoulder against the wall. He twisted his lips contemptuously at her. "You'll never even come close."

"Give it a try, I'll understand."

"You can never say that to me and not be lying to my face, Max," he muttered.

Max reared back a little with his words. "What do you mean?" she demanded. She wasn't usually this nice to _anyone_, yet he was throwing it right back at her face. "I'm actually trying to be your _friend_, Alec. Why can't you just accept that? What's the problem?"

"Your friendship is not welcome is what it is. I didn't ask for your friendship. And you and your 'I-understand-what-Manticore-was-all-about' little routine are my problem, Max," he bit out. "You ran away remember? You have _no_ _idea_ what Manticore was really all about. You don't get to say that you understand!"

"Then, tell me what it was all about!"

He narrowed his eyes briefly as memories came to the forefront of his mind. He shook his head bitterly. "No."

"Alec,"

He raised his forefinger at her. "No, Max." he said tiredly. Then he thumbed the front door. "I think it's best that you just leave now. Just…leave me alone."

Max blinked away the hurt that his words brought. She had no right to be hurt. He was right, they weren't even really friends. Then why did it hurt so much to be shut out? She swallowed past the lump of undefined emotion. "Fine."

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Max drove around aimlessly for hours. It was a waste of gas, a precious commodity, but it was the best way for her to work through her emotions. She was on the corner of Waverly and 7th Avenue when a thought occurred to her. She slammed on the brakes so hard, she almost flew across the handle bars.

She cared about Alec.

She really cared about him as something more than just a chatty co-worker and constant pain in her ass. She cared more about him than she would just a fellow Manticore alumnus. She cared about him almost like…family. Like she would never be quite the same if she lost him.

_No way! I can't believe this,_ she thought in a daze. _When the hell did he become important to me?_

Whatever the answer was, it was still a fact that he was an important part of her life now. And no matter how much he pushed her away, she would still care. She shook her head at what she was about to do, silently berating herself. But she turned her bike around and started back for his apartment.

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She crept up the door to his apartment and listened intently, her ear almost touching his door. It was quiet. She wondered for a second whether he had gone off somewhere. That made her frown thinking about all the kinds of trouble he could get himself into with his current state of mind. She bit her lip, and decided against knocking.

She picked the lock instead, and slipped in quietly. Her pupils dilated fully to see in the darkness, her ears perked as she tried to ascertain if anyone was home. She heard some rustling of sheets in his bedroom and cautiously approached the door.

She was about to turn the knob, when she realized that he might not be alone. That thought made her frown in disgust. She really didn't need to see _that,_ and it was entirely possible that Alec had chosen to drown his sorrows _that_ way.

"NOO! Rachel!"

The anguished shout almost made Max jump out of her skin. She pushed the door open quickly to find Alec struggling with his sheets. She tried to wake him but he only succeeded in accidentally punching her with his flailing arms. She fell back, a hand on her throbbing cheek. "Damn it," she muttered, before getting up and attempting to reach him again.

This time, she grabbed both his wrists and straddled his legs in one smooth motion. "Alec, wake up!" she yelled. She wasn't happy about this position, practically lying on top of him. It wasn't even funny, just uncomfortable, as he was still trying to fight her off. "Alec!"

Immediately, his eyes flew open. There was a moment of confusion, but like a good transgenic, that passed quickly and he was immediately alert. His pupils dilated as he took in the situation. "Max? What the hell are you doing here?"

She released him slowly and rolled off of him. "You were having a nightmare," she explained.

"And you just happened to be in the neighborhood?" he drawled as he sat up.

Her lips twitched into a smile. "Yeah, something like that," she replied. She noticed that his dark blond hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and that there were streaks down his cheeks from tears.

Alec frowned briefly, realizing that Max was staring at his sorry state. "Didn't I ask you to leave before?" he asked curtly, swinging his legs onto the floor, effectively turning his back to her. He really didn't need her to see him like this. He didn't want her pity—and he knew that Max had a warped sense of friendship. Everything that was somehow handicapped or broken were suddenly Max's "friends". They were like strays. He would be damned if he became one of them.

"I did leave," she pointed out stubbornly. Why couldn't he just let her help him and leave it at that? Why did he have to be so proud and arrogant? Everyone had moments of weaknesses. How could she make him understand that she didn't see him as anything less than she did before?

That in fact, she saw him as a better man for it?

"But I couldn't stay away." She admitted. If both of them had too much pride, then one of them had to let go of it first. "Let me be here with you, Alec."

"I'm not one of your pitiful little strays, Max." he pointed out, still not budging. He realized that she was being uncharacteristically honest and open. But he still refused to accept her pity. He was broken-hearted and drowning in his guilt. As far as he was concerned, those were personal problems. It had nothing to do with Max or her help.

He stood up and turned to look at her. She was standing on the other side of his bed, her expression gentle but guarded. "You can't just come in and try to fix me." he sighed. "It's my problem, and I'll deal with it my way, okay?"

"I just wanted to see if you were all right."

"And make sure I don't do anything stupid, right?" he asked bitterly.

"I didn't say that." She countered.

"But you thought it."

She shrugged, not denying it. "You don't have the best track record for doing the right thing."

But as soon as those words came out of her mouth, she realized that they were the absolute worst thing to say at the moment. His jaw clenched, his shoulders tensed, and his face became forbidding. "No, I guess not." He said hollowly. "Is there anything else you needed to remind me of?"

Max was mentally kicking and throwing herself against the wall. She shook her head at him. "Alec, I didn't mean the way it sounded."

"No, I'm sure you didn't." he drawled sarcastically. "But wait a minute, I'm Alec. I screw things up, right? It's what I do best. I mean, I could have decided to do the right thing and escaped from Manticore a long time ago, right? I could have said 'no' to all the damned missions I went into. I could have stopped myself from falling in love with Rachel. I could have saved her when I had the chance. Isn't that right, Max?"

"Stop it, Alec." she said sharply, alarmed at the direction he was going. Alec didn't need her feeling sorry for him or coddling him. He was already feeling sorry for himself. He was already drowning himself in his own guilt.

He snorted. "How many times do I have to ask you to leave before I have to throw you out myself?" he asked acidly.

Max shook her head and walked towards his bedroom door. "I'm leaving." She said. "But I didn't come here to tell you that I felt sorry for you. I didn't come here to say 'I-told-you-so', and I didn't come here to rub it in your face. I came because I care, and as hard for me to say this, I _thought_ I was your _friend_."

"I don't need you," he whispered weakly to her back.

"Yeah, I know." She looked at him over her shoulder, her eyes soft. "But you've got me, anyway. Good night, Alec."

The door was almost shut all the way when she heard his aching whisper. "I can't sleep,"

Against her better judgment, Max turned around and pushed the door open. "Nightmares?"

He nodded wearily. "I see her face every time I close my eyes." He admitted. He ran a hand over his face tiredly. "I keep thinking about how I could have done it right. How I could have saved her."

Max didn't say anything. Telling him he had done his best would be cold comfort because Rachel was still in a coma. Telling him that there was nothing he could have done would be a lie because he had come so close to really doing something about saving her. So she just nodded and cocked her head to the side, listening.

"I didn't know that I loved her," he sighed. "I thought that I could shut down and become a soldier again. I thought that I was strong enough. I thought that I could have it both ways."

Max smiled slightly in empathy. "No one could have predicted what was going to happen, Alec." she whispered. "Brain told me that the battle processors predicted that you'd finish the Berrisford Agenda with flying colors."

He cocked a brow at that. "Really? Obviously they didn't know what the hell they were talking about," he said sarcastically.

She walked over to him and tentatively took his hand and squeezed it. "Nah, just goes to show that feelings, emotions, and all this love stuff really can't be predicted or decided on. It just happens."

He stared down at her, his green eyes seeming to glow in the darkness. "Yeah, it just happens." He returned the gentle pressure on her hand and held on.

Max was suddenly all too aware that he was standing semi-naked in front of her, wearing only a pair of dark blue boxers. She looked at their intertwined hands and felt heat rush through her. She resisted the urge to jerk her hand away. Instead, she released her hold gently, and he let go as well. "I guess I better go now, huh? Before you make good on the whole throwing me out part."

"Actually," He hesitated for a second, "stay."


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: As usual, DA belongs to Cameron/Eglee and Fox.**

**A/N: Here's the final few missing scenes. There was so much emotion in TBA, but right after this episode we had some Borrowed Time, Harbor Lights, Love in Vein and Fuhgeddaboudit…which showed us that Max and Alec were sort of back to their old selves. So, I had to think of a way to explain why. Hope this does it justice.**

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Max watched Alec sleep. His face was relaxed and soft, his lips slightly parted. He looked boyish in his sleep, especially without the smirk that was always on his lips. _Yeah, I was right all along,_ she thought humorously. _He really is just a big baby._

He mumbled in his sleep, suddenly tensing. He shook his head from side to side and his hands swallowed bunches of his sheets into his clenched fists. She realized that his nightmare was beginning to re-enact itself in his mind.

She quickly laid a cool hand against his forehead and began to stroke his hair gently. "Sshhh…it's okay," she cooed softly. He quieted down almost immediately, subconsciously moving closer to where she sat on his bed.

She couldn't really believe she was doing this: holding him, stroking his hair, whispering quietly to ease his fears. It didn't really feel wrong—just that there was this tiny little voice in her head that kept saying she _shouldn't_ be doing this. After all, he was still the bane of her existence—the cause of so many of her problems. But, just for tonight, after seeing him with Rachel, she could forgive him everything.

She leaned over him and took in his scent—uniquely Alec. "I'll never say this to you when you're awake, but I care about you. You're one of the good guys, Alec. Remember that." she whispered.

She leaned her head back against his headboard and sighed. She let her eyes close. Normally, Max didn't need much sleep. Manticore had designed her for night fighting with shark DNA spliced into hers. But for now, she was enjoying the comforting warmth of his body pressed against her leg, the steady sound of his breathing, and the scent of his skin.

It wasn't just Alec who needed to be reminded that comfort could be found in the most unlikely of places.

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Alec woke up to the heat of the sun beating relentlessly against his face. He almost couldn't believe he had actually slept through the night, but the lethargic feel of his muscles attested to the fact. He shifted slightly to stretch those muscles when he realized his left arm was pinned effectively under someone else. His eyes flew to the small dark head that lay on the pillow next to him.

He smiled warmly at her sleeping form. Who would have thought that it would be _Max_ who would hold his demons at bay? She had comforted him with nothing more than her presence—that in itself was amazing. But what really amused him this morning was the fact that she had almost choked on her own tongue trying to be _sweet_ to him.

He tried to pull his arm away slowly, but she woke up, her transgenic senses forcing her to immediate alertness.

"Hey," he said, all his amusement fleeing, suddenly leaving him feeling awkward. In all honesty, he'd never really woken up with a woman before, so he didn't really know what the etiquette was. Besides, Max was the last woman he'd ever thought he'd wake up next to.

Max looked around her quickly, assessing the unfamiliar room. Her eyes slid almost apprehensively to the person next to her. Her stomach did little flip-flops as she saw Alec leaning over her with sleepy green eyes and tousled blond hair.

She sat up quickly and ran her fingers self-consciously through the tangled mass of her dark hair. For some reason, she felt acutely embarrassed waking up next to him. It was like they'd gone from enemies, to acquaintances, to friends, and then to waking up next to each other in one night. _Oh wait, we actually did_, she thought sarcastically.

Without another look at Alec, Max turned her back to him and stood up, straightening her clothes along the way.

Alec scrambled out of bed as well. There was a moment of awkwardness as they stared at each other across the bed, trying to read each other's thoughts on the situation. But then, Alec smirked. "So, that's why you're always late for work." he mused out loud, his green eyes dancing.

She leveled her frowning brown ones at him, hands on her hips. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He gestured randomly at her hair. "You've got all…_that_…to deal with," he quipped.

She rolled her eyes at him glad for the familiarity of his quips. "You say that like you look any better right now."

He quirked a brow at her. "Are you always this sunshine-y in the mornings?" he thought out loud. Then he shrugged almost nonchalantly. "Besides, I've got a good excuse." No sooner had those words left his lips when he clamped his jaw tightly. His face was immediately wiped clean of emotion at the reminder of exactly what his good excuse really was.

Max felt the sudden rise in tension in the small room. She smiled tightly, apologetically, at him. He shrugged and avoided her eyes. Max glanced out the window and groaned when she noticed how high up the sun already was. "Normal's seriously gonna can my ass today. I'm so late."

"You're late everyday, Max," he pointed out flatly, not rising to the bait of her small joke.

She shrugged. "It's a morning ritual. I always think the next time I stroll in late would be the last straw for Normal."

"Right. Okay then, don't let me keep ya." he shrugged.

She turned to him and eyed him assessingly. "Coming in to work today?"

He shook his head, his face taut. "I just wanna be…"

"Alone. I understand," she finished. "I'll tell Normal that you're out sick with malaria or something," she said wryly. "I won't spare him the details, either. I'll make sure he understands how you need the time to recuperate so you can stay his Golden Boy."

He smiled slightly. "How about you skip the Golden Boy stuff, huh?" he said in a weak attempt at his old humor. He really appreciated what Max was doing for him—avoiding the issue. They were both really good at it, in fact.

She got ready to leave and was about to pick up her jacket from the foot of his bed. He beat her to it, and held on to it for a second. He smiled tentatively at her. It was a genuine smile, soft and grateful. "So, look, I really…y'know…"he stammered, unused to expressing sincere gratitude. "I slept." He finally said, abruptly. Those two words really explained it all, anyway.

"I noticed," grinned Max. "Anyway, if you want, I can swing by after work…bring over some pizza or something. Y'know, be around."

"You'd do that?" he asked in slight disbelief. He could understand a one-night glitch on Max's bitch mode, but two nights in a row? That was just plain unexpected.

"Yeah," she shrugged. "That's what friends do."

His lips twisted into a small grin. "So, we're _friends_ now?"

She returned his smile with one of her own. "I'm not promising anything, but maybe for the next couple of days."

"I can deal with that. No physical violence for a couple of days sounds good to me."

And she smacked him upside the head. _I could live with that, too_, he thought, as he tossed her the jacket as she left his room, both of them smiling.

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Max strolled into Logan's penthouse. She hadn't seen him since the night she rushed into the Berrisford Mansion to get Alec, two nights ago. As usual, she found him amongst his Eyes Only equipment, tinkering with his work.

He glanced over his shoulder at her. "Hey, Max," he greeted, openly happy to see her.

She stood a casual five feet away from him and rested her hands on her hips. "You paged?" she asked.

He glanced questioningly at her tone. It was brisker than she normally used with him. "Yeah, you haven't been by in a couple of days." He pointed out, almost accusingly. She hadn't even followed up with him about how things went with Alec. He wanted to ask, but found that he couldn't voice out his thoughts.

Max looked away briefly, there was a flash of guilt which she quickly suppressed. "I've been busy at work, covering for Alec. He's called in sick." she explained hastily. In all honesty, she had been so busy thinking and worrying about Alec, she hadn't spared a thought for Logan.

She briefly noticed the physical distance that she had become accustomed to between her and Logan. Five feet was the usual "close" for her and Logan. Close enough, at least. Close enough to talk shop. Close enough to exchange little meaningful glances. Close enough to smile at each other. Close enough to do everything else but touch.

She'd never realized it before, but "close enough" was a stark contrast to "close." Close meant being able to touch someone's hand and express comfort without words. Close meant being able to smack someone in the head when they needed some sense knocked into them. And close was being able to whisper words of comfort into that person's ear without fearing her lips might touch his skin.

She had known that Alec had needed a friend. She had not known that she had needed the comfort just as much.

Logan searched her face for a second, and Max forced herself to relax. It wasn't like she had done anything with Alec. There was nothing to feel guilty about. Then why did she? Not having any answers, Max schooled her features into a relaxed smile for Logan. She studied the minute changes of his expression, knowing that he was curious, but not suspicious.

_Good._

Logan turned back towards his computers. "Anyway, I thought you might want to see this." He pulled up a file on the screen, and Max's heart froze at the words.

RACHEL BERRISFORD DIES AFTER LONG ILLNESS.

_Alec._ she thought, concern sweeping through her.

Logan glanced over at Max's frozen expression. "Funeral's today." he said softly.

Max noticed Logan's probing look and again forced herself to shrug off her worry about Alec. "So it's over." she whispered. She felt a strange sense of relief rush through her after saying those words. Rachel was gone. "At least he got to say goodbye." she said, more to herself than to him.

Logan cocked his head at her soft tone. "You think he really cared about her?"

"He loved her," she said simply, knowing the absolute truth behind those words.

Logan sighed. "Well, now he's gonna be going through a rough time. Might want to look out for him in the next few days."

Max almost ducked her head away guiltily at his words. She was _already_ looking out for him. But Logan didn't have to know that. Somehow, she wanted to keep her newfound friendship with Alec a secret. Especially from Logan. He wouldn't understand.

So she just shrugged. "He doesn't want me looking out for him. He wants to be left alone...pretend like it never happened. He's so cut off."

It was true that even with the two nights she had spent trying to be his friend, he had still adamantly refused to talk about Rachel or the Berrisford Agenda. He still didn't acknowledge much about his relationship with her, except for having used to care about her and having nightmares about her.

"Sounds like this girl I used to know. She was just looking out for herself. No responsibilities, no entanglements..."

Max realized that he was talking about her; about what she was like when they first met. She recalled how she had put up a front of being carefree to hide away from her own fears.

She smiled sadly at Logan, remembering how, in some ways, her life had been so much easier back then. "Yeah. 'Cause she kept thinking if she ran far enough and fast enough, she could forget all the things they made her do. But sooner or later, it always catches up to you. Learned that the hard way."

"Now, it's Alec's turn."

Max looked out his window at the spectacular view and nodded. _Alec's turn._

Except that Alec had stayed in Manticore much longer. Alec had actually pulled his triggers. And Alec was much better at hiding away than she ever had been. He was much better at putting up a front and pretending than she ever had been. In some ways, that was so much worse.

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Alec wasn't home later that night. She had knocked politely at first, and then, impolitely picked the lock and strolled in. The place was empty, although his warmth and scent still hung in the air. He had just left a few moments ago. She saw a discarded pile of clothes on the bed and cocked her head curiously. Was that a…tie? She realized that it must have been what he had worn to see Rachel's grave.

The thought tugged at her heart achingly. What would it be like to visit the grave of someone she loved? It was one thing that she probably wouldn't understand, because she didn't know what it was like to look at a headstone and know for certain that someone she loved was lying under there, gone forever.

With one last futile look around for a clue of his whereabouts, Max left. She wanted to drive around and search every nook and cranny of Seattle for Alec, and make sure he was all right. But obviously, he wanted to be alone. For once in her life, Max let the issue drop. She hopped onto her bike and sped away, knowing that his moment of weakness was about to be over. He was out there in the city, alone, rebuilding his emotional shields.

She understood far too well the need to recapture the sense of freedom that not caring allowed. She knew that if you pretended hard enough, you could really almost not care. And you were almost free. At least until the shields went down again. But at least, they were really good at putting them back up.

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Alec stood at the edge of the rooftop of his apartment building. He watched Max leave with a small smile on his face. She was so predictable in her…doing-the-right-thing kind of way. He realized that it must have been so easy for Brain to predict Max's behavior: just figure out which one the "right" thing to do was, and it was almost guaranteed that Max would be diving headlong into that disaster.

Like trying to fix him.

What a disaster he'd turned out to be. He knew that Berrisford's words would haunt him forever.

_I don't want to be like you._

Alec would have laughed at the man's face if it hadn't hurt so much. _Be like him? _He didn't even know who or what the hell he was supposed to be. For most of his life, he had been a soldier. That was who and what he was. It had not been his place to think abou what was right or wrong. He followed orders. He did his job. In fact, he had always done his job well. He should have known just how wrong he had been so many times.

But the sad truth was, he just _didn't_ _know_.

But was that really any excuse?

Because in the end, all that was left was a trail of blood that all pointed to him. All he was left with was the knowledge beyond all doubt that he had killed the girl that he had loved. All he was left with was pain. His own pain, and the one that he inflicted on others.

Looking at Rachel's grave, hearing the venom in Berrisford's voice had almost crippled him. It almost made him want to dig his own grave and just crawl into it, hoping for oblivion. It almost made him want to do something crazy just to numb it.

But he had just turned around a walked away. Pretending that each step away hadn't hurt. Pretending that Berrisford's words could just be shrugged off. Pretending that he could still somehow be forgiven. Always pretending.

Alec stared out into the horizon, watching the lights twinkling all over the city. He had never felt more alone. He clenched his jaw and pressed his lips together, but wasn't able to hold back the sob that broke through. His face crumpled as he let the pain take hold of him for a moment.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered brokenly into the air. He wasn't sure if he was asking for Rachel's forgiveness, or if he was just pouring out all his regrets into the night air. Or if he was asking himself for that forgiveness.

He hastily wiped his tears away with his sleeve. He snorted his nose once and took a deep breath, calming himself. He could literally feel himself pull the pieces of his heart together, pulling in all the pain that was throbbing through him inside, to be tucked away where no one would ever find it.

Sometimes, it was so much easier to pretend that nothing mattered. Because when nothing mattered, it was easier not to care. When he didn't care, he didn't hurt. He would always be all right. All he had to do was not care.

He smirked into the night. _Not like I ever really did,_ he thought a little cruelly. He shrugged and stepped away from the edge of the building. He had indulged himself for the moment, but he was safely back in character. He was all right now.

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Max hadn't slept a wink all night. She'd been too worried about Alec. She'd tried reading a book, but had ended up throwing it across the room in frustration. O.C. had given her strange looks all night, but Max just assured her it was only her shark DNA kicking in.

But as soon as dawn streaked the sky, she was ready to go to work.

To say that she was relieved when she caught sight of him by his lockers was an understatement. "Hey," she greeted tentatively, standing five feet away from him. Close enough, but not close.

His hazel eyes slid briefly over to her, but he didn't turn to face her. "Hey, Max," he said, continuing to put things from his backpack into his locker.

"Listen…if you ever want to talk…"

Alec finally turned to face her. His face was carefully devoid of any deep emotions. His eyes were strangely opaque, deflecting away emotions instead of reflecting them. "About what?" he asked.

_About Rachel, and love and hurt_. "About anything."

There was a brief pause and Max could swear that Alec was going through his catalog of emotions to find the appropriate response. He finally resorted to his usual smart-aleck grin. "Now why would I want to do that?" he asked dismissively.

It was then that Max knew that they were somehow going back through time, hurtling past the last couple of days. He didn't want to acknowledge anything that had past in the last week. She nodded, understanding the defense mechanism. Sometimes, it was just easier to pretend. "Just consider the offer open."

"All right." Alec nodded, and was about to walk past her. But he paused and looked down at her. "Listen…" he stalled, thinking of the tentative friendship that had formed between them. "…thanks for saving my ass," he finally said with a small smile. She had saved him in more ways than one, and that was perhaps the one thing he didn't want to pretend had never happened. That was at least one thing he still cared about.

He was handing her a peace offering, thanking her sincerely for the first time since they'd met. "You're all right?" She was smiling up at him, but he could still see the concern that clouded her eyes.

He wanted to hug her and be hugged back. He wanted to assure her and be assured right back that things were going to be just fine. He wanted _anything_ from her that would stave off the pain that was still lurking inside. But he knew that it wasn't _right_, not at the moment. He had to work harder not to depend on those deep brown eyes.

So, he smirked at her, his face falling almost automatically into the expression. "I'm always alright."

With that, he walked away from her, clapping his hands in anticipation of the distractions the day would bring him.

Max didn't turn to watch him go. Instead, she smiled sadly to herself. It was better this way. It was safe and familiar territory between them. Banter, playfulness, occasional smacks upside the head—never going beneath what was on the surface. Yeah, that was what it _had_ to be. They both had too many secret hurts that they could both drown in them if they weren't careful.

It was better this way. She was all right with it. He was all right with it. Always all right.

**THE END**.

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**A/N2: I hope you've enjoyed this LONG Missing Scene story. And I hope I clarified the seeming disparity in the dynamic between TBA-Alec and Max, and Fuhgeddaboudit-Alec and Max. Thanks!**


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